


From Then, 'Till Now - Chapter One

by lex_the_flex17



Series: From Then, 'Till Now [2]
Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29679852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lex_the_flex17/pseuds/lex_the_flex17
Summary: For the last seventy years, the man known as the Winter Soldier has been the main impromptu for the organization known as Hydra. In 1994, the wicked soldier took many lives beyond his control, including your father's in a sabotaged assignment. As the years progressed, the man broke free from the Hydra programming, as you continued to live your life shrouded by ignorance. Now, as the two of you are free from your shackles, your minds are finally at ease. That is, until you ran into the real Bucky Barnes. Now, can you teach him how to be human again?
Relationships: Bucky Barnes - Relationship, James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: From Then, 'Till Now [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173575
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	From Then, 'Till Now - Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count: 1.6k 
> 
> Warnings: PTSD, a bit of sadness, frustrated reader, mentions of and brainwashing, and some cursing.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to all the love in the prologue! I really like working on this series and it’s getting me even more pumped for TFATWS.

Previously

Climbing the ladder, the Winter Soldier exits the now abandoned bunker, and walks towards the spot where he hid his motorcycle. Reaching the bike, he turns back to the marsh where the previous agents were. He briefly pauses and looks at the flash drive in his palm. 

Hesitating, he silently threatens himself to throw it away or not. But he chooses not too. Instead, he sits on the motorcycle and drives back to the facility where he was stationed, never to return to the marsh ever again.

________

The long minutes passed into antagonizing hours as it seemed like the clock's hands refused to move. After returning the flash drive to his Captain, the Winter Soldier immediately retreated to his room. He stood in silence, hovering over the tiny porcelain sink, his fingers grip the grimy silver faucet handles. The previous memories of his assignment began creeping through his mind, refusing to stay locked away. 

The images of Matthew’s innocent face gazing up at the assassin made the Winter Soldier lower his head even more. 

‘Your mind is all that matters to them.’

Matthew’s words conflicted with the devious programming as the Winter Soldier gripped the sink even harder. At that moment, the man questioned everything. The S.H.I.E.L.D. agent’s single phrase formed cracks into the infamous Winter Soldier. The best soldier Hydra ever had in fifty years, was left reduced to question his own sanity.

Who am I? What are these people doing to me? Was that man right, am I being used? How can I ignore anyone’s attempt to control me?

What if someone tries to do it again? Then what will I do?

Then, not wanting to hear Matthew’s true words once more, the Winter Soldier punches the small mirror above the sink. His metal fist sends shards of the glass into various parts of the bathroom.

However, none of that mattered. Matthew’s words and the Winter Soldier’s urge to fight back. It was all to be erased within seconds by ten little words. Those ten words damaged him more than anything else. No matter how hard he tried to fight, everything would be reset. Like the flick of switch. 

And there was nothing he could do about it. 

*****

Longing  
The assassin shut his eyes as he was pushed into the metal chair, the doctors rigorously tightening the leather straps around his arms. Bonded to that horrid chair, a rubber mouth guard was carefully placed in the man’s mouth. 

Rusted  
Concentrating on his breathing, the soldier tried his best to ignore his Captain, who now circled the chair. The room seemed to smell of the marsh and the air felt sticky.

Seventeen, Daybreak  
Moving his head back, the newly gained memories and interactions were all jumbling together in the very center of the assassin’s mind. Like using a blender at full speed. HIs fibers in his muscles began to tighten, trying to fight what was ahead. 

Furnace, Nine  
He then screamed through the mouth guard, gripping the chair’s handle, he refused to let go of the memories. Every single cell in his body succumbed to words, one by one. Except the soldier’s deteriorating conscience. 

Benign, Homecoming  
Matthew’s words no longer existed. They had vanished. One second they were there, and now, they were gone. The searing pain of the device made his head ache. The pain then became too intense to where the man only saw stars, even with his eyes closed. 

One, Freight Car  
The machine released its hold on the Winter Soldier. Moving his head forward, he opened his eyes. The dark steel blue was now replaced with nothing. He was a new person. A clean slate. All he heard was a ringing. But slowly, the ringing was replaced by his Captain’s boots stepping closer. 

“Soldat?” The Captain asked, snapping his fingers beside the soldier’s ears. 

“Gotov podchinit’sya.” The Winter Soldier replies.

Awaiting his new set of instructions, unaware that his questions will one day be answered, even if it was from an old friend. 

*****

2014

The sweet scent of incense flooded past the shades and into the room as the darkness from the cloudy weather came through the window. The hardwood floor bended at the heel of a boot by the constant motion of your right leg bouncing up and down. Your fingers shook as you held your hands together, trying to calm down. 

“It’s alright to be nervous, Y/N. Your nerves are just on high alert, especially since the two year break.” Your therapist, Ava, kindly explains. 

“I know. I just- I’m not sure if I’m ready. I know this is a lot, but I need this.” You say, just as you nibble on the base of your finger. 

“Take all the time you need, Y/N. Now, before we begin, would you mind making sure your personal information is correct for me?” The woman asks, handing you a clipboard. 

Taking it, you glance at the information. 

Name: Y/N L/N 

Age: 19 

Profession: College Student

Military History: None 

“Yes, everything’s correct.” You respond before handing the clipboard back. 

However, everything didn’t feel correct. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you had a feeling that the Military History question should have an answer. But you didn’t have one. 

“Great. Why don't you tell me why you booked this appointment. Have the nightmares started again?” Ava asks. 

Truth be told, you had no idea why they started again. You had two years of peaceful sleep, until one night you were awoken by the echoing sound of an ambulance siren. At the time, it made sense, you lived by a busy street. So all types of vehicles frequently drove by. Then they progressively got worse. 

Like one night, a week after starting your junior year in high school, the calming sound of your alarm was replaced by the ear-piercing noise of two sides at war.  
"I have. At first, my dreams were just simple. I would wake up from the sensation like I was falling, you know?" You explain.

"Of course. That's pretty normal. And how have your dreams evolved since then?” She asks. 

Rubbing your hands together, you finally raise your head to the rest of the room. You run your hands over your jeans, before sitting up straight. 

“Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been experiencing more...graphic images. As if they’re memories, but I know they can’t be.” You say, just as you stand from the comfortable leather chair. 

“Can you elaborate?” Ava curiously mentions, giving you her full attention as she scribbles some notes down.

Walking over to your therapist’s desk, you glide your right hand over the top of the wooden surface. 

“It’s like, I’m right there in the memory. But I’ve never seen those people before, even though everything’s the same. There’s always the same two men, but one of them is dead. Or, sorry, ‘dying.’ And the other man, I can never tell what he’s doing. It’s almost as if he’s searching for something. Then the dream ends.” You explain, moving over to pour yourself a glass of water. 

Taking a large swig, you nearly finish the glass with one gulp. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see droplets of rain begin to fall outside. Setting down the glass, you return to your seat. 

“Does that make sense at all?” You ask. 

“It does, Y/N. What you are experiencing is called ‘Projective identification.’ It’s when someone can project certain qualities that seem unacceptable to another individual. It’s quite rare and can even help cure some kinds of trauma. Have your dreams changed at all?" Ava explains with a professional tone.

“No.” You shake your head. 

A miniscule wave of silence falls in the room. Your gaze returns to your hands, but then is thrust back into the office by the words that leave Ava’s mouth. 

“Have you considered that the subject of your dreams could be a way of someone trying to communicate with you? Like your father for instance?” Ava asks. 

Glaring up at her, you have to restrain yourself from screaming at the top of your lungs. 

“What? I’ve already told you, I don’t know my father. As far as I’ve been told, I never had one. He died before I was born.” You explain, trying not to let your anger consume you. 

“But you did, Y/N. You came from someone. What has your step-uncle told you?” Ava asks. 

“He hasn’t said a damn thing since I started asking questions. It’s why I moved out, you know this.” You reply, leaving the chair once again. 

“He’s keeping your past from you, Y/N. Don’t let him, you’re old enough to know what happened to your parents.” Ava explains. 

“No, no. You don’t know that! I don’t know that! As far as I know, my father died before I was born, who worked in some fucking factory. And my mother left me. She never wanted a child. Part of me wonders if I was just thrown out like garbage. I’m not even sure if I should find out who they were.” You explain through both anger and a bit of sadness. 

“Then what’s stopping you? Surely there’s a reason.” Ava replies, remaining calm to your upset nature. 

A moment of silence falls in the room as you lower your head in a slight action of defeat. 

“Don’t let these past actions define who you are. Give yourself time and only then, you shall find your purpose.” Ava says, offering you her card. 

So for the next two years, you tried to find your purpose. And you did. You graduated early from New York University with a degree in Psychology. You were finally happy, while there were still nightmares, you managed. Until one day, a simple phone call changed your life entirely.


End file.
